God has done a great deal of work in me in recent years, but I am frequently reminded of how much work he still has to do with me. In my heart, I am still truly an ugly person.
One of my biggest struggles is with forgiveness. If you have ever read my testimony, you know that I have been through a lot in my roughly three decades of life. Trust is something I do not give freely; but once when it is given, I am fiercely loyal. I will fight to maintain relationships… but I can only be hurt so many times before enough is enough. Once that threshold is crossed, I simply cannot turn back. Not without God’s strength in me. And even then, my decidedly human instincts seem to constantly get in the way.
The Bible says we are to forgive. God reminds us that vengeance is his, not ours. I do my best to remind myself of that, truly I do. I can even bring myself to a place where I think I have forgiven… but I can never, ever seem to forget, and that inability to forget plays a role in how I interact with that person from then on.
I need to continue to pray on this matter, and continue to strive for God’s heart. He forgives our sins no mater how many times we mess up. Somehow, I need to learn to apply that same forgiveness to those who have hurt me. I cannot do it on my own, but perhaps with time and God’s strength, I can learn to be more forgiving of others…