When you are not privy to the plan

A very wise friend told me something today that struck me as rather profound. When I made the very sad announcement that I was miscarrying the baby we recently found out we were expecting, in part of her reply my friend said, “Sometimes going along with a plan you aren’t privy to isn’t easy.”

This is one of those well known truths that randomly hit home for me and suddenly take an all new, very personal meaning. I have no clue what God’s plan is for me. Even when it seems like I have an inkling as to what’s happening, something comes out of the blue, or we take a sudden turn, and once again I am left wondering what is next.

I am very thankful for the comfort the Lord gives me, and the assurance I have in His plan (albeit unknown) for me and my family. We were just getting used to the idea of having our very first baby due in a month other than December (my three older girls were all December babies, but this baby was due in February). We had begun talking about names for him or her, and wondering if perhaps this would be the boy everyone was waiting for.

Despite all of those thoughts and the sadness that we have experienced since the bleeding began, we have peace and comfort. I do not understand why this happened, but I know there is someone out there who does, and in time He will His plan. I am reminded of Proverbs 3:5-6 which says, “Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to Him, and He will make your paths straight.” I may not understand everything now, but if I continue to trust in Him and follow Him, He will make sure I am headed in the right direction, and He will bless us more than I ever could have imagined. That I know for sure.

One thought on “When you are not privy to the plan

  1. Steph, I can never pretend that I know what it feels like to have a miscarriage. I know that it is one of my biggest fears and it is the very thing that made me afraid to announce my pregnancies each time. I can tell you that my fear stems from the fact that my Mother had a second trimester miscarriage shortly after giving birth to my little sister (her third baby). I remember how painful it was and I remember not really understanding why it had to happen. I remember a lady from out church approaching me after it happend and grabbing my jacket to inquire about the new baby she heard we were having and I did not know how to respond. I remember on the morning that it happend my Mom was on the phone with work and telling them that if the bleeding turned out to be nothing she would be in shortly after her appointment (she bled many times in her first few months when she was pregnant with me). I remember my Dad picking us up from my Grams later that night and explaining to us that there is no baby when we got in the car. Needless to say, every time I bled when I was pregnant with Adriana (at least once every 6 weeks since finding out I was pregnant), I would beg God to let everything to be ok because I wanted her so very much (and of course I am thankful that she is perfect). But, at the same time, I remember sitting on the couch with my Mom and little Brother (who my Mom had when she was almost 40) about a year ago and him saying that he wished that she didn’t have a miscarriage because he would have liked her to have another boy so he had an older brother. In that instant, I could have busted out in tears because my Mother and I looked at each other because we knew that if she didn’t have that miscarriage, my little Brother would not be here because after 4 kids my parents were done. Truly, I can not imagine life without my baby Bro. He might annoy the heck out of me at times (especially because he is about a year shy from being a teenager), but he truly completed our family. With that said, I hope to never experience the pain of a miscarriage, yet, I think I really understand when people say that God has a plan. My thoughts and prayers are with you.

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